Mindful Roots

The Honest Truth About Emotional Stability Before Parenthood

When I think about “What kind of mother will I become?” it fills me with a mix of happiness and anxiety. The happiness pushes me to work on myself, as if my entire life depends on it – because, quite literally, it does. The anxiety creeps in because, well, I tend to overthink: What if I mess it up? This was not a fleeting thought; it hung around persistently two years ago when I was newly married and just starting to imagine what embracing parenthood might look like. Today, thankfully, the anxiety has eased quite a bit, matched by an equal rise in confidence and happiness.

Looking back over these two years, a lot has shifted within me. I have found a calmer, more resolved version of myself. But it did not happen overnight or by magic. It took deliberate effort. More importantly, I have realised something significant. Much of my own stability is rooted in the peace and growth in my relationship with my husband. It is funny how much your own emotional stability depends on the quiet moments. It relies on the give-and-take and the everyday stuff you build with your partner.

So, this naturally leads me to the bigger question: Will we, together as a couple, make good parents? When most women think about pregnancy and preparing for a child, it is often a solitary journey in their minds. That is understandable because so much physically happens within the woman. But the truth is, good parenting starts with the quality of the relationship you and your husband share. This is not some mystical secret or hack, but something I am discovering every day in the small moments. Love and understanding are not fixed – they evolve, just like we do. And it is this evolution that builds the foundation for parenting.

Without stretching this context further, let me share the things that have helped us understand each other better, and I hope they resonate with you. I keep coming back to two questions: What are the qualities I want to see in our child? And to cultivate those, what must I first embody? What kind of example do I want to set for our child when it comes to a healthy relationship? The qualities I envision in our children include respect, honesty, and patience. We as a couple need to build and live by these qualities first.

One thing that has truly helped us is how we communicate. I tend to write letters, laying my thoughts on paper, while he prefers talking face-to-face. Lately, I have started adopting that too. That blend has made a huge difference. We argue sometimes, yes – but we try to do that without holding grudges or disrespecting each other. We have learned to fight in a way that brings us closer rather than pushing us apart. And honestly? Feeling safe enough to fight and stay connected feels like a huge win.

Taking time every day to share the small moments of our day, or the big life decisions, has transformed how we relate. It is a quiet reassurance that no matter what happens, we are showing up – not just as partners, but as future parents. And for me, the best part is that all this has happened organically and not as a planned exercise.

I will be honest; we are far from perfect. Emotional readiness is not a destination; it is a continuous journey. A journey of showing up, of grappling with unresolved anger or doubts, and learning how to let go, together. And in embracing this imperfect process, I have found a new kind of peace.

So, if you are wondering about your own readiness for parenthood, maybe start by asking: How do you show up for your partner when it matters most? And what kind of environment, emotional quotient, and relationship do you want your child to inherit?

Because before you nurture a child, you must build them in your relationship – and that, in itself, is the most profound preparation of all.

Love,

Bhavyata